Big-mouthed monsters

This morning I schlepped the 3 youngest Things with me to the mechanic for a long overdue oil change. I love my car doctor - he gives regular customers 4 free oil changes a year.

I guess it's a preventative care philosophy applied automotively. Makes sense - he builds a relationship of trust through my frequent (or not) visits so when problems arise he'll be the first one I call.

Regardless, it means I no longer look for (or take advantage of) free or discounted oil change coupons. And unfortunately, that means I am failing in my responsibility to regularly maintain my vehicle.

But that's not the point of this post. Here's the point . . .

While at the car doctor/mechanic Thing 2 wanted a drink of water. Not a drink from the water bottle I brought with us, but rather a drink from the water cooler in the corner with those hard-to-resist red and blue release levers.

Unfortunately the only cups available were styrofoam coffee cups. I told Jack he couldn't get a drink because I didn't want him to use a coffee cup - not because I cared that it was a cup meant for coffee but rather because it was easier than telling him I didn't want him messing with the water cooler levers. That reasoning would've worked only to incite an argument. And a mess.

My easy-out came back to bite me in a matter of minutes.

The proprietor walked into the waiting room and proceeded to pour himself a cup of coffee. Jack looked up from his coloring book and bluntly spoke, "Heavenly Father says no coffee."

Needless to say I was mortified.

Geoff (the car Dr.) didn't quite understand Thing 2's comment (likely because of poor enunciation) and replied, "What was that?".

I told Jack to hush.

Geoff said, "No, that's OK. He can tell me."

So again Jack said, "Heavenly Father says no coffee."

Geoff looked at me, a little puzzled. I wasn't sure how to respond - it's not like this guy was looking for an explanation of our doctrinal beliefs when he started jonesing for his morning jolt.

But Thing 2 had to open his big-mouth. And now I was in a very uncomfortable situation.

My solution? Diffuse and ignore - I told Jack to mind his own business.

Jack responded, "But coffee makes it hard to sleep."

Geoff laughed and replied, "But I'm trying not to sleep this morning."

At that point Jack went back to coloring and Geoff went back to mechanic-ing.

Ugh! Aghhhhh!

It's not like I want my kids to silence their thoughts and concerns just because we're in public - most times I just wish I could run their comments through my own filter before they come out of their mouths. Other recent uncomfortable comments:

• Yesterday Thing 3 told a Costco sample lady that she was really old. Luckily the lady was not only old, but quite possibly deaf. Or maybe she's just learned to ignore little girls (with good reason.)


• Also yesterday, when Thing 1 was asked if our family would like some cinnamon rolls she responded with, "My mom makes the best cinnamon rolls in the world." The result? No scrumptious gift of sugar.


• Later this morning Thing 2 told the checkout lady that his big sister hates OfficeMax (apparently the OfficeMax branded pencils refuse to sharpen properly - I've been instructed to never buy them again.) My only saving grace? We were at Office Depot. The checkout lady responded with, "Your children are adorable."
  

I wonder if she'd think they were adorable if I slapped big pieces of duct tape over their mouths every time we left the house.